Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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