bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize