She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
