I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
