trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
