He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
