So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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