Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
