K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize