i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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