So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
