Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
