I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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