is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
