I just made out with a guy for $7.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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