someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize