I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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