I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
