What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
