No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
