I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
