Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
