Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
