You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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