you would pick up someone in the library
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
