even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize