I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
