I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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