K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it hurts more in the daytime
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
