He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
