Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
