I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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