That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
