U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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