im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
