Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize