She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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