oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
