I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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