Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
