Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
