Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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