It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
