oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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