another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They took my balls.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
