i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
