You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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