yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
