Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
