My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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