Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
