So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
