Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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