Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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