you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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