Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
