i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
