I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize