Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
