before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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