what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just gargled with NyQuil
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
