My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
