Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
