I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
