I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
