just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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