Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we're making bets on your personal life
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
