I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
