The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
