week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
