Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
