i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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