Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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