So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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