So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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