i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
