He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
