I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
