DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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