Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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