Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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