hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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