Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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