Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
