A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
