u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
