True but thats because hes a fetus.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
