nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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