Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
