Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
