Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
