thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
