You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He felt like a one man threesome
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
