another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're a waste of cheezeits
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
