I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
