How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
