Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
