the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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