Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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