Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize