Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
