she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
