Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize