how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
