I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
