Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
