So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
